i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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