he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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