can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
