the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
