i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize