He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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