And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
