how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk is a universal language darling
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