guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize