He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
