he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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