I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I believe in your delicious
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
