I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
