I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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