I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
