Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize