the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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