i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i need some magic done to my vagina
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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