In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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