You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
