Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
