but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
