Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize