She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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