I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
