Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
