the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i barfeds in our rink
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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