Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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