Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
