I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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