You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
