And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
