Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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