Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
