I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
