she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
