somebody snuck up and got me drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
