It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
