i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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