please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
