Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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