Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
