He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
