There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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