i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
