from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we made out on top of his cat.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
