What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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