We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
