so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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