Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
