I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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