Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
