I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
