Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize