The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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