Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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