Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
