He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
