Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
