what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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