So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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