I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
