we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize