I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
