kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize