also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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