Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was confusing and full of hummus
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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