remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize