Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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