I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
