The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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