ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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