i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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