I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize