mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
