Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize