I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
