he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
