my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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