Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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