I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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