come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
