Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
