i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
