Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
