I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
