I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
