my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
