i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
