That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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