On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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