I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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