Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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