she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The Olympian is in my bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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