It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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