She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
