Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize