I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
