idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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