Please, let me fuck your mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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