If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Panties = found
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
