Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
